The Burden that Came Back

C'est la vie, the common phrase, can imply a variety of moods. Amusement, disappointment, grumpiness, etc...

Yes. That is life. And life is tough, whatever they may say. It’s full of anger, strife, disappointments, and hurt. It’s full of happiness, sweet suffering, and love.

But when we see the disappointments, we tend to do that little zoom-in thing ; instead of seeing our blessings, all we can see for the moment is the disappointing part of life.

Especially for suffering.

Recently, I got over a season where God let me suffer with endurance. That’s gotta be one of the hardest things to suffer through, I’m telling you ; you never know when it will end. The fear of the unknown looms, and you feel like the mouth of it yawns in front of you, ready to swallow you up. Sometimes (praise the Lord), it’s for a short time. And sometimes (praise the Lord), it’s for a long time. Sometimes years.

Well— ; for a while I thought that the Lord had brought me through the tunnel, and that I had finally escaped from the ever-shadowing burden. And then I found that the burden had not actually lifted ; it was just hidden. Sneakily, creepily, looming behind the rock or tree ready to jump out ; and finally, it did. It caught me by surprise, and I asked the Lord in a flood of tears how He could do this to me. After an hour or so of crying, I found the verse Psalm 69 :3, which laments ; I am weary with my crying out ; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for God.

I felt my heart grow tired, my eyes red and weary, and my mind became dull. I stopped crying and sat for a while, thinking dimly about the burden that came back. I found a verse that I agreed with Heart and soul ; Galatians 3 :4. Did You suffer so many things in vain—if indeed it was in vain ?

Had I suffered in vain ? Was God just mocking me now ? Teasing, showing me how He could do whatever He wanted—because He could ? This wasn’t the God I knew ; the strong, faithful, steadfast, firm, stern, loving, forgiving God ? Surely I was wrong.

And then I remembered that Jesus had suffered, as well. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Yet He had never sinned. How had He done it ? I was, personally, ready to fight God again and snap at him, How could You do this to me ? Don’t You still love me ? Where’s that kindness and those blessings that You promised me ?

So how had Jesus done it ? I wasn’t sure ; but He had suffered, and so surely He knew what I was going through. He had ordered me to be ready to suffer for his cause. Tears ran down my cheeks as I thought to God, But I don’t want to suffer, sounding in my mind like a whining toddler.

Yet isn’t it true ? Don’t we all just want to avoid suffering ? It’s pain. We automatically avoid it ; that’s how God designed us. But something He wants to teach us is not, perhaps, to love pain ; but to accept it and try to learn whatever it is the Lord is teaching us. Some people tell me that God wants us to love pain, to welcome suffering as a chance to grow. I already know that there’s no way I can do that. I will—for the rest of my life—hate pain. I will never want it, will never love it, and will never willingly and consciously welcome it.

But I will accept it. God wants me to listen to his teaching, to pay attention to what he’s trying to tell me. And pain and suffering, quite unfortunately, are great teachers.

Pain is a great teacher. Maybe we don’t like his methods...But believe me when I say that his rewards are great. After all, does not Paul state, For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Wise words.

So maybe we don’t have to like pain. We don’t have to love it, or welcome it. God even comforts us for it.

But we do have to accept it, because that’s God’s teaching utensil. It carves us into the sculptures that He plans for us to be. And it is good.

Until later;

Lydia